You’re cordially invited to the crowning of the 2009 Hero of the Year!

It’s a time to celebrate the greatest hero of 2009, Jan Palys. He thought he would be busy with free Warcraft TCG for a year, scratching off every loot card ever printed, swimming in 50 foil-stamped EA Moonkin Forms, and opening a treasure trove of other prizes. The other 10 players, they too thought they’d be busy spreading goodwill through Azeroth as champions. They thought they’d be swimming in loot cards, free booster packs, and exclusive EAs.

You see, Admiral Ackbar, you’re finally right. It’s a trap!

We here at Upper Deck are really minions of the Burning Legion. Our checks are signed by Sargeras himself. Every time a round needs to be re-paired, every time Landro won’t take your tabard code, it’s part of our master plan to bring the universe back to chaos and disorder!

Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

So, under the guise of the Darkmoon Faire, we search the world for your greatest champions and slowly corrupt them with desire and power. Shiny Tigers, oh so shiny! We hand out those iPods for a reason: subliminal messages!

We collect your so-called heroes and toss their incapacitated bodies into the experimental PX-239 Wondervolt (it’s one increment better!) and poof- out comes our new Elite Minions!

The United States of America, the United Kingdom, Germany, France, Finland, and Italy: We have taken your brightest stars, your champions. We have twisted their strength to serve our own means and we will finally conquer the world! And we will, because the Burning Legion cannot be stopped and has never been stopped! Our new foul minions will traverse the Earth, continuing our evil plot of chaos— but you can stop them!

(See, this is the part where the evil genius is so sure of his or her nefarious plot where he or she is willing to smugly share every detail of it—even how to stop it— with the heroes because it is too late!)

If you, brave mortal, were to meet one of our superior Elite Minions in battle, you would surely fall. However, if you were inconceivably able to muster the Power Word: Fortitude to stop the Burning Legion and bring justice down upon one of the Elite Minions, you would be rewarded with an exclusive Mystic Denial Extended Art promo. You would then be able to use that card to counter others who stand in your way, including other Elite Minions.

If you dare oppose us, you may learn of the Hero of the Year and our Elite Minions and follow them on Facebook to see where they will attack next. Why? Because we’ve already won, and you couldn’t possibly stop them, right? Right?!