sooooooo....
on to a diffferent subject
"And here we go now, Jim, our first competitor Michael Laconto has just tried to hurdle over the fires surrounding the convention centre. And he's caught fire, luckily John Tatta is on hand with a fire extinguisher...no wait, it's a can of propane. Seems like this is a better test of card skills than the honour rank system, I very much doubt we'll have three to four hundred free-loaders here for the likes of Shodori to soak up"
"True fact, Bob, true fact"
"Yes Jim, and it would now seem that the European competitors are all gathering behind a guy in a straw hat with a plush Jigglypuff in his hand"
VAN DER LAAAAAAAAN echoes around the arena
"Wow that is a really nice piece of metagame tech as Erik Van Der Laan, Darkmoon Faire Milan Champion scares off the fires so that all the European players can get into the convention centre"
"I don't think I've seen anything like it Bob"
" ... Tatta on the top rope, Van Der Laan out on the mat, OH! OH! Frog splash on ... Jigglypuff?"
"There's fuzz everywhere? Tatta just turned jigglypuff into a big pile of cloth and cotton!"
"He's squating over the body of Jigglypuff now ... wait! Wright! Stuart Wright down the aisle! Tatta doesn't seem him!"
*SMASH*
"Chair to the back of the head! Tatta's down and now Wight going to the top! The crowd here in the US is actually ... cheering for the Europeans!"
*pause*
"BLAIR! Jeremy Blair leaps the gate around the ring! You see that? He's moving like a feather in the wind!"
"That's an understatement."
"Blair pushes Wright off the top! Into the ring now, Blair's piling Wright and VDL into the corner! The remains of jigglypuff with them! The crowd's getting into it now!"
*Grotesque image*
"OH MY GOODNESS! BLAIR JUST WENT ASS FIRST INTO THE CORNER AT FULL SPEED!"
... To be continued.
- Tatta
"But what a display of Lightning Reflexes here! Within the Blink of an Eagle Eye, the Whytefyre Paladin and the gender-switching British Paladin unleash their Holy Shield to the incoming Ass Charge of Blair!"
"Yeah Jim, Blair's literally getting his butt handed to him here!"
"This gives VDL just enough time to unpack...what? What is this folks? Van der Laan is trying to revive Jigglypuff with his Portable Pokémon Center!"
-- Incoming Ad: Portable Pokémon Centers! Always the nut high when your Pokémon run low. Order one today, with Van der Laan approval! *Display of VDL doing the Borat thumbs up!* --
"This may not be looking good for the US team, Bob. With Jigglypuff revived ("ding ding ding-ding-ding") and Blair's win condition taken out of contest, Wright and VDL are driving them to the flames - with the win-more of Jigglypuff lullabying them to sleep and drawing funny faces on them looming over the battlefield! Are there actually any alternate winconditions left?"
- To be Continued Next Time in Pro-Player Deathmatch!
" ... they do have more win conditions!"
"That's right, Jim, down to the right from the cat walk is the acrobat himself, Tim Batow!"
*THUD*
"Or that WAS Batow! Brad Watson back in action after his brief hiatus! He's bigger and badder than ever!"
"Wait! That's Spreadbury in a Watson mask! We always knew he wanted to be like his brother-in-law!"
"Well, Jim, it's not REALLY his brother-in-law yet. I think I still have a chance with *her*."
"And now Charles "the Lawyer" McArthur making an appearance at the top of the ramp! The Europeans don't know what to do! They're back to back in the ring with Blair and Tatta still under the spell of Jigglypuff!"
"Shane Wiggins! He came from under the ring and smashed the Pokemon revival kit and Jigglypuff falls over like dead weight! Tatta and Blair coming to now! What will the Europeans ever do?!?"
- Tatta
Next week, "Us v. Them" The PPV of the century ..
Lawyer v. Lawyer
Charles “The Lawyer” McArthur v. Shane “The Lawyer Wiggins
30 Man Battle Royale
John ‘Euro Hater” Tatta v. 29 Europeans
Inter-Squad Deathmatch
William “Current Editor” Brinkman v. Ryan “Old School” O’Connor
Mascot Rivalry
Jigglypuff (EU) v. Cloned Dog (TAWC-US)
The Boris’ v. World In Flames
Ted Evans and Jack Fejer v. Shodori and Brochu
MAIN EVENT
World’s Largest Man
Tim Batow v. Jeremy Blair
Anymore requests?
"How could we forget! Van der Laan swings his straw hat like Mortal Kombat Klassik Kung Lao, exhausting and dealing 1 damage to MkArthur, Tatta and Wiggans!"
"Jim..?"
"And with the Americans numb but still outnumbering the European tag team, Wright goes in for the Counterattack! With magnificent ferocious leaps, he throws punches and kickes everywhere, the hapless US victims unable to strike back in any way!"
"Jim...! Jim!"
"In the meanwhile, VDL is in a brawl with a-ready-to-get-it-on-again McArthur..but somehow, McArthur keeps on smiling, even while it's looking like he's getting sliced up pretty bad! Uh, what is this?"
"Jim!!! You feel this Jim? It's the ground! The ground is shaking!"
"Oh my! There is something coming up! Something is rising in the middle of the ring, a towering figure with a devilish grin!"
"Oh my God Jim! IT IS GOREBELLY!"
"It's not Gorbelly but, Matt Spreadbury Wearing a Gorebelly mask!"
"Tim Batow Springs back to his feet with ninja Quickness, and does a flip onto the shoulders of Spreadbury/Gorebelly. Tim Rips off the Gorebelly Mask. Matt is clawing at his eyes and jumping about, like an Angry Goose."
“Strange analogy. I would have said Bucking Bronco, myself.”
“True enough. And we all know what a Bronco is don’t we?”
“Of course. I got one from my wife, last night, when I called out your name, Bob”
“Back to the fight. Tim Batow try’s to hold fast. It's turned into a Midget Wrestling Match here. Tim is fighting back and pulls out a clump of Matt's hair. But wait. What is that? Another Mask? To reveal….is Matt Spreadbury wearing a Matt Spreadbury Mask?”
“No Bob I think that is actually his sister there. It is hard to tell the difference between the two.”
“She’s yelling like a Banshee now. Tim can hold on no long and is finally bucked off.”
“Ride em cowboy!”
"Tim springs to his trademark handstand and with a windmill flurry of his legs, sends the girl flying into the stands."
"The members of Team Cheaty face regroup outside of the ring as Tatta helps Blair pull a spectators head out of his ass."
“It’s like some unnatural Childbirth video. The horror.”
"the lights dim...there is a strange smell of burnt Dutch beard hair and...Jim can it be...there is a distinct smell of baby oil and french cooking"
The crowd falls silents, the flames burn on, as the French flag is hoisted from atop the oversized Spreadbury twins. With a fateful backstab, the giant gorebelly/spreadbury falls to the ground.
"Jim...it is Florent Jeudon and Pierre Malehbaud wearing strange alien outfits..."
"Bob this is totally bizarre, Pierre has exposed nipples and is feeding two hungry WoW players from his teet..."
"Jim, can you hear that strange music in the back ground...so familiar...is it.."
"I think that is the X-files theme song"
The hungry wow baby wrestlers are no less than sjoerd Mulder and jonas Scali.
"Jim it is Mulder and Scali... and they are now devouring the limp, wet body of Jiggly."
Pierre looks proud of his breastfed offspring. As he smiles like a proud papa, Tim Batow walks across the ropes like a Lithuanian acrobat and jumps into the Jiggly buffet.
The fires of Southern California have spread to the Fires of Outland and we have an international royal rumble...
The Euros have pulled out breastfeeding X-Files actors and a jack farming, Dutchman. But the US has revenge and fury on their side as Brad Watson is fuming over the sudden death of the Spreadbury/Gorebelly fiance almost brother-in-law.
Watson's head is beginning to expand and his eyes have turned pure red...his skin is taking on a familiar tint of green.
"What is happening Jim?"
"I just can't tell Bob, I just can't tell....."
"... All this carnage, all the madness! And finally ... "
*Cue "Wild Thing"*
"Moorf! It's Paul Ross in his Elder Moorf outfit! He's side by side with Ben Drago in his undead apparel!"
Tatta to a spectator - "I'm one of the best players in the world. Want to see my deck? I've been told it's well stacked."
"Jim, can you believe this? Ross and Drago with smiles on their ugly faces, the Europeans and the Americans have all stopped in their tracks!"
"Well, except Tatta. He's talking to girls at ringside like they were girls on Jack Fejer's facebook page. But can you blame him? I love me a British accent."
" ... Right."
*Cue "One" by Metallica*
*Crowd erupts*
"WAFO-TAPA!?! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?"
- Tatta
Jim, this can't be happening! This darkness that spreads around us..This sincere evil, this sincere faul intention burdening the sky..."
"We've got to face the facts, Bob, and the warriors amidst us must face their destiny."
"But they were banned Bob! They don't even play this frigging game! Bob!"
"They don't put up a lot with rules anyway, Jim.."
"Will the US and Europeans lay aside their strugglings and work together? If they fail, the world will fall to these figures rising out of the shadows - Hans J Hoeh and Mike Long assault!"
I have said it before and I will say it again Bob. Me Doth think something Dark and wicked this way cometh.”
“Ja. Un der Uberman Hans Ho.”
“He has grown out his hair a bit. It seems to leave a trail of vile grease as he walks, and is enveloping spectators who venture too near dragging them screaming into some dark Netherworld. Mike long slithers along the Hair trail feeding upon it for sustinance. I have heard Hans entombed himself in a leather cell, meditating on some evil variant of Squadron Supreme and Darksied Replacement and burning effigies of Paul Ross. Apparently he has found a new evil to team up with in Long.”
“It appears that Long is now feeding on the flesh of the Team formerly Known as Cheaty Face. And what’s that? Their bodies are now twitching and writhing, rising once again. This is amazing. They are now forming a single undead entity. I have never seen anything so horrifying.”
“Actually they don’t look much different to me Bob. Just like a normal sized human now. All though their hollow stare seems a bit more cheerful in their zombfied state.”
“Long is now slithering up the unwitting Tatta's leg, who is not only oblivious to the rejections of below average looking European girls, but seems to be completely unaware that his flesh is being devoured by the Long creature.”
Fej: "John Tatta, this past Sunday at Darkmoon Faire London you failed to show up for your WoW Dream Machine Championship match against me"
The crowd is booing
Fej: "But I am a generous person, so I will offer you one last chance for this title. But it will be on my turf, my match stipulations. It'll be at a time of my choosing, and a match of my choice"
More booing.
Fej: "It'll be in my (kayfabe) hometown of Philadelphia, and it'll be a game you've never played and at which I have never lost. Snakes, ladders and chairs"
John Tatta's music, the American Idol theme tune, hits. John Tatta walks out to the stage with a mike.
JT: "You know what, Fej...FINE!"
Big stare down, and Tatta leaves and goes backstage. WB (WoW's JR) and Charles 'The Lawyer' McArthur return to giving commentary.
WB: "My God, Tatta's really going to go one on one with Fej in his hometown of Philadelphia this weekend at DMF."
Mc: "I'm lost for words WB, I don't know what to say. Tatta has got to win this or he's off to Yu-Gi-Oh"
WB: "And God knows we'd all hate to see that happen, except for Yu-Gi-Oh's General Manager Andrew Lam who has a 3 year contract with Tatta he can't wait to sign"
WB: And this match is STILL going on!
MC (Charles McArthur): And over the past 4 months, I've lost my job, found my missing Stronghold Gauntlets, pee'd my pants countless times, and wiped spit off my face from trolls!
WB: ... (Blank stare)
MC: Tatta and Fejer has beards down to their ankles in the 4 months they have continued this match, neither having the nerve to give the other the pleasure of a win. Right, WB?
WB: If you say so. Both men are actually slumped in their respective corners with bibs on. Must be dinner time.
MC: Yea, sometime ago they agreed to take dinner breaks at this time each day. I think today is the Meatloaf! My favorite!
WB: Oh the humanity!
(Mcarthur to the ref ... )
CM: Ketchup please!
(To be continued)
- Tatta
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------sereaously tho someone has to pick up and yes i did just spend the last 15 minutes doing the copy pasting out of the old thread to put this together also probably the best topic to do it any way